Forgive Me
by lovecamedown
Summary: AranxJana. Semi-romantic. Set after the events of 2.05, Aran can't face the guilt he's feeling over what he and Alric did to Jana that day. He's not too sure why he had allowed himself to do it; all he knows is that has to fix it. He just hopes she will forgive him and let him back in; but with her trust so damaged, he's not so sure that she will. / Oneshot. Canon.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Wolfblood

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Aran felt guilty.

He'd never felt this kind of guilt before; usually, guilt would come to him when he did something wrong to Alric, or disobeyed him in some way. But now – now that Aran was feeling _this_ guilt; intense and heavy and unfamiliar – Aran was beginning to think that maybe it wasn't _guilt_ he'd felt in the past. Or at least, if it was, it was guilt coming from fear.

But this time, it was guilt coming from something else. Genuine guilt, because he had hurt someone really important to him; okay, maybe it wasn't him _directly_ that had hurt Jana, but he had played a huge part in it. He'd tried to capture one of her friends, and then stood by silently, watching as her dad disowned her. He'd watched Alric lie and manipulate her that whole time, and he hadn't been able to do anything about it because of his loyalty to Alric.

Aran and Alric had settled somewhere in the woods for the night, about halfway between Stoneybridge and where the pack were currently located.

But, whilst Alric slept soundly, Aran was wide awake.

He couldn't shake the look on Jana's face out of his head—the look as both he and her dad had walked away. Her eyes had been wide, cheeks streaked with tears, and he could hear her heart beating so fast. Out of the corner of his eye, just as he turned away, he saw her fall to the ground. And then, for a few minutes as they ran away, he could still hear her crying faintly behind them.

How could Alric just walk away like that? – Leaving it so… _sourly_ with his own daughter; with no way back or no way out of the fallout.

Aran couldn't handle it. Not like Alric could, anyway.  
He'd known Jana since the day she was born, and yeah, he'd been angry at her before (and vice versa) and said some mean things that had upset her. And, sure, maybe at times they had stopped talking to each other for days at a time. But there had never been such an abyss between them like there was now; now that Aran had chosen Alric – or maybe he'd just chosen fear – over one of his favourite people in the world. Usually, whenever they would fall out back home, there would always be a silent code between them that, if either one of them were to need the other, the fight would instantly disperse and they would be there. Just like that; no questions asked.

But now, Aran feared that this mistake of his was too much to ever come back from.

He couldn't live with himself like this. He couldn't sleep, lying there on the cold, damp ground, with Jana and that terrified look in her eyes whirling through his mind.

Without even thinking, he pushed back the fur he'd been lying under and snuck off silently, not making any sound at all. He couldn't go on without knowing he had Jana's forgiveness. He needed to explain to her that he just couldn't have gone against Alric; loyalty was important to Aran, and he needed to prove his loyalty to who he knew as his Alpha.

So, in the black of the night, Aran transformed and ran through the woods towards Stoneybridge faster than he'd run away earlier that night.

Not too long later, Aran arrived at Jana's caravan. Her scent was drifting around the whole place, and it almost made Aran smile (if it hadn't been for the reason he was here). If he listened closely, he could also hear her heartbeat.

For a moment, he hesitated outside the door, not really sure what to do. If she was asleep, he didn't want to startle her. But if she were awake, what if she didn't want to speak to him? What if she was angry at him and refused to forgive him?  
Being hard on himself as always, Aran decided that the latter would probably be the most likely outcome of this situation.

Doubt crept in to his mind and, just as he was about to turn around and change his mind, he heard movement inside the caravan. And then, before his eyes, the door had swung open, revealing a rather exhausted and lost-looking Jana. He stared at her, unsure of what to say, his mouth opening and closing very slightly as he hesitated. At first, she didn't say anything; she just stared at him with her eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

"What are you doing here?" She finally said, the sound of her voice cutting through the silence of the woods and making Aran jump ever so slightly. He was edgy, and Jana clearly sensed that. She frowned. "Come in."

"Are you sure?" He asked quietly.

Jana nodded, but she seemed reluctant. "You're jumpy. It's warmer and safer in here." As much as she was angry – more than that; she was disappointed – with him, she could tell he was nervous and she didn't like seeing that.

Hesitantly, Aran pulled himself up in to the caravan, completely ignoring the step that was there. His eyes were down on the ground, and Jana seemed to have some sort of sleeping place at the back of the caravan, covered in different furs.

"Sit down," Jana said softly. She was being gentle with him, but Aran could still sense a hint of bitterness behind her voice.

"There?" Aran questioned, still very unsure. He pointed to the bed.

"Yes."

"It's… _soft_ ," he commented as he perched on the end of it. Jana _almost_ smiled.

"It's comfortable."

Aran seemed unconvinced, but he remained silent. And, when he realised that Jana was still standing above him, he frowned. It was strange to have her standing over him like this, but now wasn't the time to be worried about authority. He came to apologise and try for forgiveness; nothing more, nothing less.

"What are you doing here, Aran?" Jana asked again. She had her arms folded over her chest again, and her face was now even more guarded than ever. "Did you come to ruin my life some more? Well, if that's the case, I'm not sure there's much left to ruin."

Tentatively, Aran looked up at her. "I came to…," he started, struggling to find the words. "…to explain myself, Jana."

Jana almost laughed. "What is there to explain, Aran? My dad disowned me today; he took away the only life I've ever known. And now I'm left with nothing but this caravan, and guess who had one of the main parts in all of this? – You. You tried to capture my best friend. You even tried to capture me," Jana was trying to make her voice sound strong, angry and assertive, but it was becoming more and more strained with tears by the minute. Her eyes were welling up to the brim, and as much as she tried to swallow them back, it wasn't working. Still, she continued to yell at Aran, as thick with tears her voice may have been. "And then, to top it all off, you just walked away when dad left me. How can you even have the nerve to come to me right now and act like nothing ever happened? I'm not just angry at you, Aran. I'm disappointed. All my life, I thought you were the one person I could trust. But I guess I was wrong.… I thought you were better than that. I thought you cared about me—"

"Jana," Aran cut her off, frowning intensely when the tears suddenly spilled out of her eyes and rushed down her flushed red cheeks. He stood up, unsure of what to do or how to make her feel better.

Suddenly, Jana seemed to notice that the tears had fallen. She put her hands over her face and looked down. And then she turned away from Aran, beginning to walk to the other side of the caravan. He could hear her soft sobs and he could feel the van shaking ever so slightly.

"Jana," Aran said again, his voice softer this time. He was watching her from behind. He had no idea what to do.… This was all his fault.

Hesitantly, he reached out his arm and touched her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. But Jana shoved him off.

"Get off me!" She shouted. "You might as well just leave, Aran. You're not making things any better."

"But you are upset."

"I'll be fine."

"No, Jana, I won't leave you like this."

"You had no problem leaving me crying earlier."

"…you were not alone then, though."

Jana laughed. A short, sharp, and humourless laugh that ended as soon as it started. "What a stupid excuse," she muttered under her breath. Aran still heard her. "I might as well be alone now, Aran. You're not helping me in any way, are you?"

"I came to apologise," he said, "and to explain myself."

Finally, Jana turned to him. Aran flinched when he saw how her cheeks were streaked with tears, and her eyes were bright red and puffy and _lost_.

"Go on then," she threw her hands up to her sides and then back down again, staring at him. "Explain. Sit down, and try to explain why – _how_ – on earth you could do all those things to me, and to my best friend. How you could just walk away like that as my whole life got pulled from underneath me!"

"It's a thing called _loyalty_ , Jana!" Aran suddenly exploded. "I could not just…go against your father! He is my leader, and I do as he says…"

Jana raised an eyebrow. "Even if that means hurting me?"

He looked down. "I suppose I…I hadn't really thought that it would hurt you."

"What? How could you not realise that trying to capture me would hurt me? Let alone my father abandoning me forever…"

"That wasn't part of the plan," Aran added hastily. Jana stared at him expectantly. "…I promise."

"Well, what about the other part? How would capturing my best friend and _me_ not hurt?"

"I…," Aran struggled to find the words to explain how he was feeling. He hung his head low, shuffling his feet along the floor. "I didn't think it all the way through. I was a fool, I know. I didn't _want_ to hurt you."

"Well, you did."

"And this is why I had to come to explain myself."

Jana sighed through her nose. Aran could tell by the look on her face that, whilst she was clearly still hurting, she was also conflicted. She was at war with herself as to whether she should forgive him or not; and Aran couldn't blame her for having her doubts…

Just as Aran was about to speak again, Jana walked past Aran. She sat down on the edge of her bed, her head hanging low and her hands sitting limply in her lap. A few strands of hair had fallen around her face.

Aran watched her for a moment before tentatively sitting down next to her, ensuring there were a few inches between them so he could see her properly.

"Jana," he said softly. "I don't want to let what happened between you and your father happen between us as well," his voice was so husky and quiet that it was almost a whisper. Jana still didn't look at him; he couldn't see her face properly, the long strands of her red hair creating a wall between them. "I cannot – I will not – lose you."

Aran heard Jana sniff. And when she spoke, her voice was weak and crackly and Aran wasn't sure if she was crying or not. "I don't want to lose you…as well as my father," she said, bringing her hand up to wipe her nose, "but I…I feel like I already have.…"

A frown emerged on Aran's face. He could tell she was crying now, and all he wanted was just to take the pain away. He knew what it was like to lose your father; at least his father didn't chose to leave him and Meinir, though. On his passing away, he'd told them how much he loved them. But Jana's dad had chosen to leave her, and Aran couldn't even imagine that kind of pain.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry, Jana." Tentatively – oh so tentatively – he reached out and brushed the hair away from her face, hanging it back over her shoulder so he could see her. And then, before Aran could even think about what was happening, Jana had turned her whole body towards him. She practically fell in to him, tears streaming down her face as she pressed her lips together, clearly trying to contain her crying.

She was pressing her face in to his shoulder. Aran didn't really know what to do; he'd never been this close to her before – at least, not in a situation quite like this – and he definitely had _not_ been expecting this to happen. He came here to apologise; why was Jana turning to him for comfort, when he was one of the people who had hurt her the most?

For a few minutes, Aran hesitated. He let his arms hover mid-air for a moment, looking a bit ridiculous, unsure of how to comfort her.  
But then, instinct took over as he heard her begin to sob properly. He felt her body start to shake. There was no option but to wrap his arms around her and, before he knew it, his hand was rubbing up and down her back; still hesitant, but with a lot more confidence behind his actions.

He held her like that for a while as she cried. He hated seeing her so broken, and if this was all he could do to help her out, he was more than willing.

"Sorry," Jana apologised, slightly moving away from Aran and wiping her nose with her sleeve. "I didn't mean to suddenly start crying like that…"

"It's okay," Aran said sincerely.

Jana looked at him. She bit her lip.

"Do you forgive me, Jana? I…I will understand if you don't, but…"

"Of course I do," Jana cut him off, her voice very soft and still slightly croaky from the tears. Aran smiled a little (literally, a _little_ ; it was just a tiny twitch on the corner of his lips, and his eyes lit up a bit). "Of course I do." She said again.

Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around him, her chin resting on his shoulder and eyes closing. Slightly tentative, Aran reciprocated; Jana felt his head bury in to her neck just a little, and so she brought her hand up to sit at the back of his neck on top of his hair.

After a few minutes, they pulled away from each other. Aran had a slightly sad look in his eyes. "I should go," he said. "I can't risk Alric finding out that I came to see you."

Jana looked down. She didn't say anything.

"Sorry," Aran apologised moments later. He was watching her; seeing how she was blinking rapidly, almost as if she were waiting for tears to fall again.

"It's not your fault," Jana replied, her voice merely a whisper. She reached up to wipe her eye. "It's my dad. I hate that he has made it like this between us."

"Like what?"

"We can't be friends. Or, at least, not in front of anyone. Or in daylight.… Or in the day at all, for that matter."

Aran sighed through his nose. He reached forward and gingerly took her hand in his, just barely touching her skin. "Everything will work out, Jana. It won't be like this forever."

Jana sighed too. "I hope so."

"It will."

Looking up at him without moving his head, Jana's lips curved in to the tiniest of sad smiles.

"Thank you." She said. "You should go, though. You don't want to face the wrath of my father."

"No, I do not," Aran agreed. "Thank you for listening to me, Jana. And for forgiving me for all I have done."

"Thank _you_ for coming back."

Aran stood up, breaking his contact with Jana, and she followed after a moment.

"I will see you…soon." Aran said, looking at Jana with a sparkle in his eye that Jana had never seen before.

"I'm not so sure about that, but I'd like to think so."

"Stay well, Jana. You will be okay."

"Thank you." Reaching out, Jana took his hand and squeezed it. They smiled at each other for a moment, before Aran turned and opened the caravan door, then stepping out of it.

Things weren't as she wanted them to be, but at least Aran was still her friend. At least she knew he was still thinking of her.

And, as Aran tried to go back to sleep that night, thoughts of a certain red headed girl's tiny little smile filled his head; her eyes shining with something more than just tears, and her hand in his.

She might not be completely happy, but the look she gave Aran tonight before he left was going to be enough for him to get by on until he saw her again.

He knew how he felt about her. He just needed to somehow, someday, find the courage to tell her.

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 **A/N:** _Look who's nipped her head out from the abyss of writer's block once more! I'll probably retreat back to it now but this was fun while it lasted :P  
_

 _Hello! Thank you for reading. To tell you the truth, I started writing this a long time ago and literally wrote about 2 paragraphs recently to finish it. So the writer's block is slowly dispersing, I guess. If you've been keeping an eye on my "coming soon" page on Tumblr, you'll have been expecting this - it's the "friendship orientated Arana one-shot" I spoke of :')_

 _Anyway, I'm going to stop drabbling on now, but I love you all, thank you for reading; please leave a review and let me know what you think! It's no secret that AranxJana fanfics are not my most popular, but those of you who do review, favourite and follow (or just read!), I really do appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed this :)_

 _Love :* xxx_


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